A Year in Review

Before I start rambling about all the good this year has brought I need to drain my system of some unhappiness... On Monday I had to attend a funeral for Joey's cousin. He was 32 and had fantastic kids and he overdosed and died. This world, and the people in it, just disgust me sometimes. As sad as it was, and it was sad, I couldn't help but let my fear overcome me. Just as Joe's family deals with members and their addictions so do I. Seeing JR's 9 year old daughter and how distraught she was made me sick to my stomach when I realized that someday that could be my beloved niece, Tori Rose, or my nephew, Matthew. I never did drugs like them, so maybe I can't fully understand how the drugs eat you up inside. But knowing how much I love my kids and my nieces and nephews and my parents I just can't fathom ow something could make you forget your responsibilities, and better yet, not care how much you're hurting the ones you love. I just pray to God I never have to see the day where my Tori has to bury her mother (my sister) or her father because of sheer stupidity and lack of will power. After I left the funeral all I wanted to do was call her (my sister) and tell her what burying her father did to Joey's cousins' daughter, but I knew it would fall on deaf ears. It's usually true, what they say... You can't help someone who doesn't want help. And unfortunately my sister still falls in that category. I just hope she snaps out of it sooner rather than later. Then, after all the sadness surrounding the funeral I find out that Joey's uncle(the one whose son just died) was diagnosed with prostate cancer 2 days before Christmas(also 2 days after his son died). They think they caught it early enough, but cancer is a sneaky bastard. We can only hope for the best... And lastly, my mom's dog, who has been my buddy since we got her (even though she was supposedly my sisters and even though I moved out right after we got her), was diagnosed with lymphoma and only has a few weeks, months at most, to live. She's only 10 and so full of life, even still. I went to my mom's on Monday night(the night they got the diagnosis) and she greeted me at the door, jumping at me and smiling her doggy smile. It was sad and sweet at the same time. Sad because I don't know how many more times I'll walk thru that door and get that greeting and sweet because she licked my face and nuzzled me when I immediately burst into tears upon seeing her. I have always thought of my pets(and my moms) as family, but I never realized how attached I was until tragedy struck....

Now, onto my year in review....

As bad as the economy was and as tight as we were on money I'd like to count 2009 as one of my best years ever! I made 3 new friends and they are the best friends I could ask for! I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel that is the Money Pit, aka my house. Three rooms are painted, I have a semi-real kitchen, and the house as whole looks more complete each day. The girls have found friends in the area and love all of their activities that they're involved in. They are both doing well in school and Mandy Rose is learning how to read-finally! My parents have my niece and nephew back and I no longer have to fear for their well being on a daily basis. Joe made it through the year with only one short lay off, my part time job doing research is still phenomonal and I found another job that I love coming to, with two of the best bosses the world has ever seen! Our families are healthy and happy, for the most part, and we live close enough to see everyone on a regular basis. With all the ups and downs this year brought with it I can't see myself changing a single thing... Happy New Year to all, and may 2010 bring you the happiness and hope that 2009 brought me!

I hoped for clearer skin at 26 years of age...

but alas, my stress level and horrible eating habits prevail. Where to begin? I'm having a really, really hard time balancing everything in my life right now. Work has been nuts(both jobs), Mandy Rose's asthma is flaring like crazy, the house is a 24/7 construction zone, kids activities, Christmas shopping... I feel like I'm losing my mind! Most nights I don't get home until 6:30/7 pm(and I get done work at 5)! Then dinner, tubs, homework, pets... I didn't get a moment to myself today until 10:30. I know that Joe is feeling the stress too, but differently. Instead of picking up the slack to get me done my chores earlier in the evening he bitches about not getting enough of my time. How do I explain to him that a little help goes a long way? I usually love this time of year. I'm looking forward to it this year, but not as much as usual. Finding a spot for the tree is a challenge, I don't know if the kitchen will be done in time for cookie day(a tradition with me and my girls-24 hours of baking and decorating), and I can already hear Joe's dad pitching a fit about all the presents I'm going to buy! Soccer ends this week... I'll be kind of glad to see it go! I'll miss all of my "kids," but I'm looking forward to having my Saturday mornings back! Things have been edgy with my parents lately. I know they're doing what's best for Matthew and T Rose, but I feel like me and my girlies are getting the raw end of the deal! My dad didnt come to a single soccer game this season, not one! He was too busy coaching Matthew! And he was supposed to come this week, but Matthew got picked for the tournement, so he has to be there! And dont even get me started on Halloween! It was nice Trick or Treating with Laurie and her crew, but it was the ONE YEAR out of every SEVEN that we could do it at my parents and Matthew got my dad sick, so they cancelled! I know I shouldn't be bitter, and I feel so guilty because I am bitter. They're my mommy and daddy and I do not like sharing them one bit! It wouldn't be so bad, but I don't think they realize how left out I feel. And I can't bring it up because then I'd feel even guiltier about make them feel guilty, if that makes sense. And my girls! My poor girls! My parents try to do a lot with T Rose and Matthew to expose them to things and give them everything they missed out on having bums for parents. It's great, I think they should do that, but don't forget about my girls! They need their Grammy and Grandad top, not like Matthew and Tori do, but all the same. I have so much more to say, but I can't... I'm so emotionally drained,,,,

So much for writing everyday!

Ok, ok, so it's been like, 2 weeks since I blogged.  Things have been crazy.  Work got super busy really fast, Halloween parties and birthday parties, soccer, dance sign ups, girl scouts... the list goes on and on.  My crazy genes have been kicking in over the last few days.  A decent portion of our house is finally spackled and ready for paint this weekend!  FINALLY!!!!!  However, I am finding it really, really hard to deal with the way things are for right now.  I can't even look at the kitchen, the spackle dust literally makes me want to cry.  We've been eating out or getting take out for the last week because my kitchen is torn apart and that cycle will continue for at least another 10 days until my cabinets and floor are in.  I try to see the light at the end of the tunnel, after 3 years(and yes it has been 3 years, or will be on Monday, anyway) things are finally starting to be accomplished and will shortly be finished.  I'm having trouble keeping my eye on that prize though because the disorganization of my house makes my head hurt.  Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like the house was spotless or organized before we started the spackle project.  But after living there for over a year and a half I had begun to deal with it.  I knew where things were for the most part.  Now everything is a project, even brushing the girls teeth requires me to hunt down a toothbrush since I moved all that stuff out of the bathroom before the sanding started.  I just wish it were done and over with and I can get on with my over-organization and feel somewhat sane again...

Another day, another dollar...

I found Joey some side work for today, which was nice... This work week just dragged on forever, maybe because I'm still fighting off some kind of fierce illness. I feel ok most of the time, but if I exert myself at all I'm wiped out! It's going to be a busy weekend, soccer(maybe, depending on weather), work tomorrow(yes, i volunteered again), birthday party, costume shopping and another birthday party. It never ends. I almost hope soccer is cancelled tomorrow because I need some sleep. This post season MLB schedule has been killing me. The Phillies are in, but now I have to keep an eye on the competition! The good news is the assisted living facility my grandparents were going to move into in January is filing Chapter 11, so they've pushed back their move! That may sound harsh, but I don't want them to go anywhere. That house was always my 2nd home, I'm going to miss it! And they want to move farther away? I couldn't deal, at least not right now. Maybe now that I have some extra time to warm up to the idea....

Today feels different...

I have to go to the dentist today. I hate the dentist, I get so much anxiety they have to drug me up just to clean my teeth. Usually on a day that I have to make that dreaded trip I HATE getting out of bed. But today was different... The Phillies are the National League Champs! 2 years in a row. After not seeing a Philly team win a championship in my lifetime there is a good possibility I will be seeing it 2 years in a row. I feel amazing, on top of the world... I can't even imagine how the players feel. It almost makes me want to cry! I wish HK was still around to see this. I know he's watching from above, humming "High Hopes." My Facebook friends have been posting and posting and posting about the Phillies... it's great! A city, a region, coming together to support their boys... it's an incredible feeling! You can call us ugly or angry, I'll even let you insult our mascot-just this once! But it doesn't matter! We are the Phucking World Champs and we are going to defend our title with pride! No one can hold us down!

So here I go...

I guess this is kind of like journal keeping for the 21st century, huh? I just always feel like I have a lot to say and no one to listen, so hopefully this will change all that. I've been struggling these last 2 months with juggling 2 jobs, kids, pets, hubby and house. I'm constantly sick(fever, achy, runny nose, etc) and always feel like I could sleep for days. I know that I take on too much, but I have this need to be constantly busy to try to forget about my problems. Once the house is done and it's a place I can be comfortably I think I will have an easier time relaxing, but for now I just have to keep moving. There are so many things I want and NEED to do, but the clutter and confusion in the house is making it so hard for me. Everyone I love is feeling it to... Joe constantly complains how I'm never around, never spend time with him, always busy... When, in fact, I am trying to stay out of his way so he can get something done already! Things are so crazy with family right now, people are sick, I mean really sick. I feel somewhat ignored and I hate feeling that way. I know life can't be perfect all the time, but does it have to suck this much, right now?